hopeslastreward | 001 ☆ video

Entry tags:

ic,
route 29

001 ☆ video

This is strange. This is very... strange.

[The feed opens on a teenage boy who honestly doesn't look like the picture of health; his hair is a mess, his skin is pale, and even though he's sitting, his posture has a certain slump that doesn't exactly imply "physical strength". Still, even if Nagito Komaeda's body is frail, his mind is still sharp as a tack. ...Well, usually. Sometimes. Depends on the context? Well, it's sharp right now, and that's all that matters.]

[He's silent for a few moments, apparently in deep thought.]

[The first and most obvious conclusion is that this is another ploy by Monobear. Last night, he'd watched the end of the third trial and went to sleep, troubled somewhat by what had happened... and now, not even twenty-four hours later, Monobear had dropped him in a Pokémon region of all places? Was this the motive? If so, why didn't he wait for someone to commit murder on their own first? Honestly, Komaeda can't think of any possible way Monobear could make despair out of the Pokemon world; even if he tried to corrupt it, it would only affect the people who have a strong emotional attachment to the originals. Komaeda could think of no one who might know them except Nanami and himself -- Nanami didn't seem like the killer type, and Komaeda honestly wasn't attached enough to care one way or the other. He honestly couldn't even recall the name of the bull thing he'd been given as a starter.]

[Speaking of Nanami... where is everyone? Komaeda had already tried looking through the network, which raised even more questions. If, again, it was Monobear who did all this, why would he go to the effort of writing so many different entries? Why were there actual people with varied personalities, and not an army of Monobears?]

[...Actually, the bear hasn't shown his face on anything at all so far. And quite honestly, that alarms Komaeda more than if it had. Had something... happened to them? Komaeda plans to find out. Depending on the reaction of the masses, who may be either Monobear's fabrications or real people, he'll get to the bottom of this mystery, just like all the others. First order of business: figure out what's happened outside.]

Oh, I should probably introduce myself...

Nagito Komaeda. That's my name.

Anyhow... has anyone here heard of Hope's Peak Academy? Please tell me what you know.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So, you're a student at Hope's Peak, then? What exactly makes it so special of a school? Is it for a good subject or something?

In a way!

Hope's Peak Academy is exactly what the name implies: it is the bringer of hope. The school only admits students who are of high school age, and prove to be the best at what they do. The goal of Hope's Peak is to let these students thrive and grow into adults who will carry on the hope of all humanity!

...Of course, there are a few students who didn't get into Hope's Peak because of talent, myself among them. Every so often, a student is let in by random lottery.

Carry on the hope of humanity...my goodness, that sounds like quite a huge responsibility! So basically anybody who goes there is guaranteed to use their talents to make the world a better place...that's amazing! It sounds like a wonderful academy!

...But still, I'd probably be honored even to be let in by chance. I'd probably consider that luck a talent itself!

It truly is wonderful. [Komaeda smiles, and amazingly, it looks normal. He clearly believes what he's saying.]

...As for luck... it can be a talent in itself sometimes, yes. Technically, I was given the 'talent' of Super High School Level Luck, but that's not a real talent. After all, a talent is something you can control... and who could ever control their own fortune? Certainly not me.

If there's anyone out there who can control their luck, they should be the Super High School Level Luck. But if a fake title is all I have... it's still a title, right?

Well, I don't think you should sell your title short like that. After all, if you were allowed into a school with such amazing people, surely that counts for something, right? You're there for a reason, and the people around you are bettering humanity...and that definitely means that you can do your part to do the same!

Oh, I don't disagree! [It's kind of surprising how much this girl gets him.] Even if I can't do much on my own, my goal in life is to make everyone else shine that much brighter!

But you should work towards making yourself shine, too.

No... that won't happen.

[After all, no matter how much you polish a turd, it's still a turd.]

Oh, come now, there's no need to be like that. You're on the same footing as they are, so why shouldn't you work to make yourself shine as brightly as you can?

[But even coal can become a diamond..]

The same footing?

...No, Anna-san, that's not even remotely close to the truth.

I am inherently below them in terms of footing. No matter how hard I work, I will never surpass them. If I continue to stubbornly work on myself anyway, all that will happen is I'll make myself slightly better, but even then I can't even hold a candle to the students with actual talent.

But... if I focus my efforts not on myself, but on people who are worth something, then I will truly be making a difference. I want to become their footing, the ground which they stand on, to bring them higher than they ever could go on their own.

Do you get it?

I get that you want to work to make them even better, yeah. That's really selfless of you...but at the same time, I don't want you to focus too much on others and neglect yourself, you know? You can be their footing and they can be yours, too, so you can stand together.

You say that you want to help people who are worth something...but do you not think that of yourself? You don't need a Super High School Level talent to have worth, after all.

It's true... you don't need a talent to have worth. There are many worthy people out there who haven't ever seen the inside of Hope's Peak.

But how can one simultaneously stand on another and support them? With our current laws of gravity, that's just not possible. There must always be the supporter and the supported. The supporter, by definition, cannot stand on their own, for they are too weak or incompetent; the best they can hope for is to take those who do have value and raise them a little higher, for the good of all mankind.

[ ... ]

No. I don't think I'm worth anything on my own. And I will never be able to be worth anything on my own. I can try for years upon years, and still, I will never be worth anything.

It's how I was born. It's in my nature. My genetics.

I will never be anything other than trash... but if there's a way to make trash useful to someone greater, I want to find it.

[Anna, you might be in a]

[little]

[over your head.]

[Normally, this might be someone's cue that Komaeda's worldview is a little bit unhinged. But the look Anna gives him...it's filled with nothing but sympathy. Empathy, even. Because God, does she know what that feels like. Memories of those childhood days she spent alone strike her like a ton of bricks: days desperate for Elsa to come out to see her, constantly struggling with the idea that maybe she was just a spare, and maybe there was nothing special about a lovesick klutz trapped in her castle waiting for her prince or her sister to save her, and maybe she's pathetic for even wanting that kind of affection to begin with so why should she even think that she deserves it...

...And, if she's totally honest, even now that things have changed, there are days when she still feels like that, and the idea kills her. After all, that's how she grew up, and it's...pretty much unrealistic to expect her to go against how she was raised overnight...

Hearing Komaeda speak of himself like that, so convinced that he's trash...it's almost like he's given in to those thoughts that Anna tried so hard to convince herself to resist for all those years...and that he's let them define who he is. And it terrifies her, that this is what those thoughts can do to a person, if they're encouraged.]

I'm...so sorry that you feel that way, Nagito...

[She's determined, though. Determined to make sure he learns to love himself.]

Don't apologise. It's actually a much easier mindset, once you just come to terms with it.

[Who wants to spend their whole life buying into a fantasy they know will never come true? Perhaps that uphill struggle appeals to some people, but Komaeda is not one of them. He spent a long time trying to be like someone with worth -- and even though he was clearly intelligent enough to grasp the concepts, something always felt off. No matter how hard he tried. Something felt off. And because he wasn't a fan of exercises in futility, he simply stopped trying.]

[It's so much easier to accept yourself when you don't set your standards so high, Anna; you should try it sometime.]

I'd much rather accept my status as garbage than try constantly to be more than I am, and watch myself fail every time. But even then, I try to help others become better. Watching other people succeed gives me hope, you see, and even a wretched entity like myself desperately wants hope.

[Sorry, that's not happening anytime soon.]

It's a defeatist's mindset, is more like it. How can you know you've reached your full potential if you're so afraid of watching yourself fail? You have to get through the failures to get to your happy ending...if you're not willing to fall, you're never going to soar. And I'm happy that you're so set on helping other people, but you can't do that without helping yourself. To call yourself, someone who wants to give people hope, something so degrading like a "wretched entity"...

I won't let you do that. I'm sorry, but I refuse to let you belittle yourself like that.

Answer me this, Anna-san.

How many failures have I been through in my life to date?

Surely you must know that much in order to speak like this, right?

From what it sounds like, it's been too many. In your eyes, anyway. I don't need an exact number to know that you've tried and tried and kept falling flat on your face. I've been there, too.

But there's no such thing as a hopeless person, not one with intentions as good as yours. No matter how many failures you've been through, I don't care. You have too many positive qualities and too much potential to let yourself just do your thing behind the curtain, cursing yourself while you do, calling yourself garbage, when you should be right up there with them.

"Positive qualities"... "potential"...

Anna-san, surely I shouldn't need to remind you that we've known each other for twenty minutes, right? What do you know about my potential from knowing me for a short conversation, that I don't know from knowing me for years?

[That sentence didn't really make grammatical sense, but he doesn't care too much right now.]

Well, that's just it, though! I don't think there's a person out there who doesn't have the potential to do great things. And I don't think you should go about calling yourself an outlier from that. You're intelligent, your luck is outstanding, and your intentions are good if you want to better the world, so I don't see how someone like that could possibly be a bad person provided the way you go about doing that isn't hurting anyone...

...Besides, I'm a good judge of character.

[Anna, please.]

Edited 2014-11-05 20:18 (UTC)

[anna please]

[Actually, that's Komaeda's expression right now... probably? Maybe? To be honest, Komaeda's expression right now is kind of hard to explain. Even if he and Anna have only known one another for twenty minutes, and Anna's probably wrong about everything she just said... well, it's not like Komaeda gets complimented often.]

[Or at all.]

[He's quiet; too quiet. His expression is still too weird to be completely readable, but it looks like Anna's struck a nerve. ~~Actually, he's trying not to go into wibble mode here.~~]

...Oh, no, I didn't say something that offended you or anything, did I, Nagito..? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I'm sorry..!

[She can tell that she hit a bit of a chord, so her immediate thought is that she might have said something that hurt his feelings...]

No, I... I'm fine. I'm sorry.

[Covering his face with his hands now.]

I'm... that makes me really happy.

...

[Oh.]

No one's ever told that to you before, have they? That you were worth something?

They have, but... not for too long.

[Generally, most people stop trying to make friends with him when they realize he's batshit insane.]

...It's okay, Nagito. As long as I'm around, you'll have a friend in me, I promise.

[whoops]

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