From what it sounds like, it's been too many. In your eyes, anyway. I don't need an exact number to know that you've tried and tried and kept falling flat on your face. I've been there, too.

But there's no such thing as a hopeless person, not one with intentions as good as yours. No matter how many failures you've been through, I don't care. You have too many positive qualities and too much potential to let yourself just do your thing behind the curtain, cursing yourself while you do, calling yourself garbage, when you should be right up there with them.