hopeslastreward | 001 ☆ video

Entry tags:

ic,
route 29

001 ☆ video

This is strange. This is very... strange.

[The feed opens on a teenage boy who honestly doesn't look like the picture of health; his hair is a mess, his skin is pale, and even though he's sitting, his posture has a certain slump that doesn't exactly imply "physical strength". Still, even if Nagito Komaeda's body is frail, his mind is still sharp as a tack. ...Well, usually. Sometimes. Depends on the context? Well, it's sharp right now, and that's all that matters.]

[He's silent for a few moments, apparently in deep thought.]

[The first and most obvious conclusion is that this is another ploy by Monobear. Last night, he'd watched the end of the third trial and went to sleep, troubled somewhat by what had happened... and now, not even twenty-four hours later, Monobear had dropped him in a Pokémon region of all places? Was this the motive? If so, why didn't he wait for someone to commit murder on their own first? Honestly, Komaeda can't think of any possible way Monobear could make despair out of the Pokemon world; even if he tried to corrupt it, it would only affect the people who have a strong emotional attachment to the originals. Komaeda could think of no one who might know them except Nanami and himself -- Nanami didn't seem like the killer type, and Komaeda honestly wasn't attached enough to care one way or the other. He honestly couldn't even recall the name of the bull thing he'd been given as a starter.]

[Speaking of Nanami... where is everyone? Komaeda had already tried looking through the network, which raised even more questions. If, again, it was Monobear who did all this, why would he go to the effort of writing so many different entries? Why were there actual people with varied personalities, and not an army of Monobears?]

[...Actually, the bear hasn't shown his face on anything at all so far. And quite honestly, that alarms Komaeda more than if it had. Had something... happened to them? Komaeda plans to find out. Depending on the reaction of the masses, who may be either Monobear's fabrications or real people, he'll get to the bottom of this mystery, just like all the others. First order of business: figure out what's happened outside.]

Oh, I should probably introduce myself...

Nagito Komaeda. That's my name.

Anyhow... has anyone here heard of Hope's Peak Academy? Please tell me what you know.

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I get that you want to work to make them even better, yeah. That's really selfless of you...but at the same time, I don't want you to focus too much on others and neglect yourself, you know? You can be their footing and they can be yours, too, so you can stand together.

You say that you want to help people who are worth something...but do you not think that of yourself? You don't need a Super High School Level talent to have worth, after all.

It's true... you don't need a talent to have worth. There are many worthy people out there who haven't ever seen the inside of Hope's Peak.

But how can one simultaneously stand on another and support them? With our current laws of gravity, that's just not possible. There must always be the supporter and the supported. The supporter, by definition, cannot stand on their own, for they are too weak or incompetent; the best they can hope for is to take those who do have value and raise them a little higher, for the good of all mankind.

[ ... ]

No. I don't think I'm worth anything on my own. And I will never be able to be worth anything on my own. I can try for years upon years, and still, I will never be worth anything.

It's how I was born. It's in my nature. My genetics.

I will never be anything other than trash... but if there's a way to make trash useful to someone greater, I want to find it.

[Anna, you might be in a]

[little]

[over your head.]

Very helpful. [Komaeda can't disagree with that.]

He's also quite keen to make friends, I noticed.

[She laughs slightly, giving a nod. At least they're having a more decent conversation now than they had before.]

Yes, that sounds just like him...I'd even say he was the peacemaker of our group.

[Like when he tried to intervene in a potential fight between Togami and Oowada, and consequently ended up getting his lights knocked out. Good times.]

[Well, let's just say he really had to work on getting people to actually like him...

Also he figures he should probably lock this now because that's the unspoken Dangan Code, so he does. But once he's done that, he's...not sure what to say. This is why he lets the others give all the info out, oops.]

So your class went through something like that too, right? I don't really know the whole story. I still can't believe Monobear even managed to set up another killing game...

[Normally, this might be someone's cue that Komaeda's worldview is a little bit unhinged. But the look Anna gives him...it's filled with nothing but sympathy. Empathy, even. Because God, does she know what that feels like. Memories of those childhood days she spent alone strike her like a ton of bricks: days desperate for Elsa to come out to see her, constantly struggling with the idea that maybe she was just a spare, and maybe there was nothing special about a lovesick klutz trapped in her castle waiting for her prince or her sister to save her, and maybe she's pathetic for even wanting that kind of affection to begin with so why should she even think that she deserves it...

...And, if she's totally honest, even now that things have changed, there are days when she still feels like that, and the idea kills her. After all, that's how she grew up, and it's...pretty much unrealistic to expect her to go against how she was raised overnight...

Hearing Komaeda speak of himself like that, so convinced that he's trash...it's almost like he's given in to those thoughts that Anna tried so hard to convince herself to resist for all those years...and that he's let them define who he is. And it terrifies her, that this is what those thoughts can do to a person, if they're encouraged.]

I'm...so sorry that you feel that way, Nagito...

[She's determined, though. Determined to make sure he learns to love himself.]

I thought so...! He seemed like the kind of person who could easily get people to rally around him, for all the right reasons. I don't know him that well, but his hope looks strong already.

...If you're looking for the whole story, you'll have to find it from someone else.

[Komaeda sighs.]

It could be your mastermind controlling Monobear, or it could even be someone completely different. There's no way to tell.

Don't apologise. It's actually a much easier mindset, once you just come to terms with it.

[Who wants to spend their whole life buying into a fantasy they know will never come true? Perhaps that uphill struggle appeals to some people, but Komaeda is not one of them. He spent a long time trying to be like someone with worth -- and even though he was clearly intelligent enough to grasp the concepts, something always felt off. No matter how hard he tried. Something felt off. And because he wasn't a fan of exercises in futility, he simply stopped trying.]

[It's so much easier to accept yourself when you don't set your standards so high, Anna; you should try it sometime.]

I'd much rather accept my status as garbage than try constantly to be more than I am, and watch myself fail every time. But even then, I try to help others become better. Watching other people succeed gives me hope, you see, and even a wretched entity like myself desperately wants hope.

[Sorry, that's not happening anytime soon.]

It's a defeatist's mindset, is more like it. How can you know you've reached your full potential if you're so afraid of watching yourself fail? You have to get through the failures to get to your happy ending...if you're not willing to fall, you're never going to soar. And I'm happy that you're so set on helping other people, but you can't do that without helping yourself. To call yourself, someone who wants to give people hope, something so degrading like a "wretched entity"...

I won't let you do that. I'm sorry, but I refuse to let you belittle yourself like that.

Right. So where I'm from? We don't have Hope's Peak Academy. All I know about it was from being told by students here.

[He feels a little envious, really. All of these people have their classmates coming in, when he haven't seen his friends in ages.]

There might be more differences between our worlds, but that school is the first one.

Answer me this, Anna-san.

How many failures have I been through in my life to date?

Surely you must know that much in order to speak like this, right?

...There isn't. They're all nice people. Mostly.

[ Celes. ]

However, the people who have been here longest...from our class. Haven't always been the friendliest members...so, I've been the only one to bother at some points...? I'm probably bad at explaining...

[ Also, she thinks some of the class 1 skeptics are coming around. ]

...Anyway. If you can call me...regularly...that would be good.

From what it sounds like, it's been too many. In your eyes, anyway. I don't need an exact number to know that you've tried and tried and kept falling flat on your face. I've been there, too.

But there's no such thing as a hopeless person, not one with intentions as good as yours. No matter how many failures you've been through, I don't care. You have too many positive qualities and too much potential to let yourself just do your thing behind the curtain, cursing yourself while you do, calling yourself garbage, when you should be right up there with them.

[...Komaeda.]

Obviously. Though hearing that from the likes of you is...

[He's not even sure which word to use here. Let him consult his mystical mental thesaurus for a moment, before giving up.

He'll try something different instead.]

An attempt to bolster confidence that one such as I does not require.

[Gundam knows his role in helping his animals. He doesn't need Komaeda and his crazy ass ramblings to remind him of it. Sorry about that, bro.]

...How unfortunate.

I know it may not mean much coming from someone like me, but I really do feel bad for you, Kihara-kun. Living in a world without Hope's Peak Academy sounds truly terrible.

That's no good... we should all be trying to get along. After all, we're fellow students at the end of the day, aren't we?

[Komaeda's not sure if he wants to count himself as part of that "we". Everyone else should get along with each other, but would anyone -- himself included -- feel comfortable with Komaeda being part of the group at large?]

[He's not sure. But until someone invites him, he won't throw himself upon them.]

Of course! I'll do whatever you ask. How regularly do you want me to check in?

"Positive qualities"... "potential"...

Anna-san, surely I shouldn't need to remind you that we've known each other for twenty minutes, right? What do you know about my potential from knowing me for a short conversation, that I don't know from knowing me for years?

[That sentence didn't really make grammatical sense, but he doesn't care too much right now.]

...Once a week or whenever. It'll be hard to tell if you're doing okay otherwise. We've usually had a few groups of us around, but not everyone is good at keeping everyone else updated. I think we lost track of Saionji-san for the longest, though.

[ She'll have to talk to Tanaka and Tsumiki later about whether or not things have changed with the Yakuza gone, once the Yakuza disappear. At least neither of them will strangle Komaeda, though. PROGRESS... ]

And...I think everyone will get along in their own time. It takes time to get to know one another and become friends, after all.

Oh, good!

[He seems legitimately happy to be put down like that.]

I'm happy that you're able to keep your hope pure on your own, Tanaka-kun. That will definitely take you far in life.

[Komaeda... what do you know about getting far in life...]

You seem very concerned about my well-being, Nanami-san! I'm surprised...

[Do you know where this is going? You probably know where this is going.]

...I wouldn't expect anyone to waste time on me at all, much less ask me to bother them weekly...

...You're one of my classmates, after all. Of course I'm worried about your well-being.

[ That's 100% true, too. She's also worried about what he'll get up to, but that's just...general, and she thinks he won't do anything that terrible, save maybe riling people up, maybe. He has no reason to do so yet, right? ]

And that's your reasoning?

[ ... ]

The rest of the class would rather have me gone, and with good reason... why do you still care, just because I'm your "classmate"? [Everyone wants Komaeda gone at all times because he's a festering pile of shit, obviously.]

[As far as he recalls, he hasn't done anything to make Nanami particularly like him... has something happened in the future that he isn't aware of, or...?]

Is that not a good enough reason...? Well, that's the truth, though. It's not like...I can just stop worrying about everyone's well-being just because the location changed...

[ To be honest, he only forgot stuff that makes everyone EVEN MADDER at him... ]

[That moment when he's simultaneously so right and so wrong...]

You're very strange, Nanami-san.

A normal person would have stopped caring about me by now.

[...And now, here comes the mental argument where he decides whether she's for real or just messing with him. It doesn't seem to take too long, because shortly after that, he says:]

...Thank you.

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[Video - It's okay I play Gundam so that happens to me often as well]

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video; private. (you wanna just handwave these, or play them out?)

video; private. (EITHER OR. Nanami really does just like to know where her classmates are...)

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